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Most all of us are or will be caregivers for a family member sometime during our lives. The ranks of family caregivers are swelling.
About 10,000 Americans and Canadians become unexpected and unprepared caregivers daily. It turns out most people don't receive caregiver training in caring for an elderly family member. Many of us are suddenly thrown into the position of a caregiver, without warning, due to an illness, injury, or surgery. If we prepare and become more educated about this subject, it will enable us to be better caregivers and to make this responsibility much easier.
Here are a few tips when starting out on your care giving journey.
1) Start by with helping yourself
Depression in caring for the elderly is common. More than 2.5 million home-based family caregivers experience depression, stress and declines in their health. Caregiver burnout is a big problem for many family caregivers.
John Crews, a senior health scientist at Center for Disease Control, said, "People need help. They need respite. They need a break. They need somebody who has knowledge".
There are many family caregivers out there without anybody helping them. It's best to find help before you get to the point where you can't be a caregiver anymore. It is important for caregivers to have strong coping behaviors when caring for the elderly. Acknowledge your own feelings, you are likely to find unsettling emotions surfacing. Allow yourself time to experience them. Take a long bath. Find a quiet corner and close your eyes. Take care of yourself, too.
2) Expand your network of support
Include friends, neighbors, volunteers, other professionals, your doctor and clergy. Don't feel guilty because you cannot do everything. Be willing to delegate tasks and to turn to community programs and professional resources for help. Search out family caregiver support services in your community. Have discussions with your family and other supporters. Fostering good communication will result in making the best life-changing decisions for your loved one.
3) Take time for your family.
When Barbara's aging mother lived with her family, it began to impact Barbara's marriage. Barbara and her husband each tried to the best of their ability to support each, which strengthened their relationship. Unfortunately, care giving also had another negative effect on intimacy, especially the lifestyle restrictions - disruptions to vacation and travel plans, constraints on the family budget, increased household chores and less time spent with each other and the children.
Children in care giving households are often silent witnesses to changing family dynamics. As children get older, they often become part of a care giving backup system, both emotionally and practically. They can sense the importance of sacrifices made to care for grandparents or older relatives. They frequently are able to develop a special relationship with the older person.
When children and adults share a household with an aging loved one, the potential for love increases with each additional family member. However, so does the possibility of interpersonal conflict. Children's social lives might be disrupted and their personal freedom restricted.
Caregivers who are pulled in both directions - by the demands of their elder and their children - often feel restless, isolated, and depressed. As a caregiver, your desire to meet everyone's needs and set a good example of elder care for your children can contribute to the pressure you feel.
As the adult child of an aging loved one who is coping with a health concern, there are many times when your aging parents needs come first. At other times, the emotional state of a teenager will come into focus. A spouse's needs may go quiet for a period of time, only to resurface later. Perhaps the quality of your family as a whole will take first priority. But your needs also matter. If you neglect your personal health, your ability to care for your aging loved ones will suffer too. When possible get some rest and take regular periods of respite (short-term relief from constant care-giving) to help revive you for the task at hand.
